Office Pranks, Office Humor, and Office Stories - One Crazy Office

A lot of people get fired for stupid reasons. The security business is no different. If anything I think you can get fired for more stuff if you work security. Of course the sure fire ways to get fired in the field of security is to be caught sleeping at your post or just not showing up for work.

Well at the site I work out we have a tradition of being fired in more creative ways than one person can think of. I am sure everyone has either been fired for something crazy or knows someone who got fired for something crazy.

Some of the most popular in recent memory are the ones that follow.

This one guy got fired because he wouldn't do his rounds on site. Instead he was using the work computer to write stories and books. Now I don't think anyone had a problem with it until someone complained. And of course he was told numerous times, but he didn't listen. His writing a book was more important than is job. The funny thing about it was that after he was fired he asked if he could come back on-site because all his stories were on the computer and he needed to get them. The supervisor ended up deleting them.

This one has actually happened a few times and I am usually the one who had to deal with it. Some of these guys apparently didn't think they needed to shower. They would stink to high heaven and when the boss would ask if it was part of his religion they would always reply no. They just stunk. We had one guy that was so bad that I had to hold me breath when I first got there. He would walk out and I would run away and find some air freshener. But sometimes it wouldn't matter and that funk would hang around for hours. It was funny to see the employees reactions though.

We had one guy get fired because he got another job within the office with a temp agency and instead of keeping his mouth shut and starting his new job he started to try and talk all the other guards in leaving with him. When this was heard he got fired and was not hired by the temp agency either.

I had a supervisor get fired because he accused of one guy being drunk when in fact it was mouth wash that he was smelling. They guy went right to HR and the next thing I know, I have a new supervisor. But that was karma because he was underhanded to everyone. He was one of those guys who would smile to your face and as soon as you turn around you would be able to feel that knife in your back.

Recently we had this one guard who hadn't been out there for more than two weeks get involved with some drama that had nothing to do with him. What ended up getting him the ax is that he actually went up to the employee and started calling that person a Liar in front of a bunch of people. Since employees are golden and we are nothing that person was gone the next day.

We have had a guy that has been moved post to post until he creeped out enough people that they had to move him off-site. Apparently he was staring at people as they walked in and made them all feel uncomfortable. The dude was really weird though.

And one of my personal favorites. Something that I like to call The Joke. It was about 4 in the morning and a employee walks in to work out or something. And the guard their was weird to say the least, but anyways he was staring at her as she walked in and apparently had done it one more than once occasion. But this time he spoke to her and asked her this question... What do you call someone who has sex with their bike???.....A peddle File. And with that he was gone by the end of the day.

If I remember anymore I will add them. We have had ALOT of people get fired for sleeping on-site and always showing up late, or not showing up some days.

I have to deal with a lot of these types since I have worked security for over 4 years now.

What happened on this occasion I was not actually there for, but heard it from several people who were. It was night time when it happened. What happened is this "super cop" saw some people running around in some woods off-site. Not even near the premises where we are supposed to guard.

At the most maybe just keep an eye on them to see if they come near the sight, but instead he gets on the radio and tells everyone people are running around in the woods with guns and they are coming this way. So of course the other guards that are on duty start going crazy.

And instead of calling the supervisor or anybody else he calls the cops without any information. Apparentley the cops didn't think it was a big deal either because it took them like 20 minutes to actually show up. Well someone finally gets the bright idea to call the person they are supposed to call if anything happens anyways.

The supervisor asks if they are carrying paintball guns and just playing in the woods. Well the cops show up as soon as he says that and it ends up being the case. But the super cop keeps them there for awhile just to talk to them about nothing. pissing them off and others.

It isn't entirely bad, but they were no where near the site and if he would of used common sense then it never would of gotten that far and made us look bad to the client.

This guy also found a empty box in the parking lot and though it was a bomb and wanted to call the bomb squad. He was yelling at everyone to stay away!

Monday- One of the guards windows on his car was smashed in at the office. It happened while he was on shift working security. It think it is funny because of the irony, but that sucks too.

Tuesday- We had this one guard who thought he would take it upon himself to change the emergency procedure for a site of 3000 people by himself and not tell his bosses. Well the main guy in charge of the entire site got wind of this and brought it to our supervisor and told him to get rid of him.

Wednesday- I actually had to stay home sick with strep and a viral infection.

Thursday- Still at home, am enjoying the break, but I don't have anything to write about. Sorry!

Friday- Feeling better, but I am still at home. My supervisor called me earlier and told me my computer crashed. I was like uh oh no one looked at it before right, because they might find all the blogging I have been doing.

I don't know if you ever have tried chewing tobacco, but I wouldn't recommend trying for the first time at your office. The guy I worked with was ALWAYS chewing tobacco during our shift. And would always offer me some, But I always declined.

But after awhile I got curious. And it had been a long day and we were only 2 or 3 hours into our 8 hour shift. So I said sure hand some over. And it hit me like a ton of BRICKS. The first feeling was light headed. But then I committed the ultimate sin for dippers. I swallowed a little bit of the tobaccy.

What I remember for the rest of my shift is kneeling to the porcelain king. With my "Buddy" standing right next to me laughing his ass off the entire time. You would think after a few hours he would get bored of it, but nope he was right there the entire time.

What was even better is when housekeeping came into clean the restroom, he was more than happy to tell them the transactions that happened earlier. So they started laughing until I started heaving again and they left. But not my buddy no matter how bad it sounded he just laughed louder.

That was my one and only run in with chewing tobacco. That was one of the longest shifts I ever worked. So take my advice if your going to try chewing tobacco. Don't try it at the office.

This is a very funny, scaring, and very true story about when I was working nights and the guy I was working with brought his AK-47 up here to the office.

It all started a few weeks prior when the guy I was working with was bragging to me and another guy working at the office where we were at, that he had an AK-47. I didn't say anything at the time, but a few weeks of hearing about it I told that I didn't think he had one and to prove it.

Well I should of known better, but one night he was sitting there and turned to me and said "well do you want to see it?" I responded to him that I was not like that, but I am glad he came to me to open up. He laughed and said no the AK-47, I have it in the truck. I said yeah whatever. But he went and got the other guy who actually worked there and led us to his truck in the office parking lot.

And of course there it is. He actually had a AK-47 and he brought it to the office. He pulled it out(the gun) and started showing it to us. He said be careful its loaded(the gun). Without even thinking I said No it's not. He then proceeded to point it at a nearby tree and pulled of a few rounds AT THE OFFICE. I turned and the guy next to me took off running. I was like wholly crap!!! He threw his AK-47 back in the trunk and started looking for the shells.

Once he had those we went back inside very quickly. And found the guy sitting in his cube scared to death. Apparently he didn't think that the gun was loaded either. We got very lucky again because no cops ever showed and no one else ever said anything to us about an gun shots in the area. I still feel sorry for the little tree though. He never brought the gun up AK-47 again as far as I know.

Monday- Emergency call this afternoon at the office. Some female was feeling dizzy and wanted EMS called. When EMS arrived we were helping them and all of a sudden this guard gets on the radio and starts talking some obscure door that won't close. He got his butt reamed after we escorted EMS off site. I work with idiots.

Tuesday- We have this one guard that we have been trying to get fired for over a year now at the office, because he is the biggest idiot in the world. He is the guy is "to many things to name" Anyways the owner finally agreed with us, but then the supervisor changed his mind and wanted him to stay. Wow the guy has been 30 min late every day for a year now and can't get fired.

Wednesday- I saw the Head HR lady at the office this morning, but I didn't see her badge. So I thought it would be a good time to get her, since I hate her more than anything at the office. Anyways I go up to her and say " Can I see your badge SIR"...OOPS...I don't think she noticed though.

Thursday- I had someone come into my office today and was talking on the phone. He was talking about how he went to go see his wife at her office and when he walked into her office he walked in and saw his wife dancing with her boss. He thought it was odd and was asking his friend what he thought was happening.

Friday- Well when you get off of work you want to leave the office right? Well we have one guard who says it takes him 2 HOURS to get ready to leave the office!! I don't know about you, but whatever you do for work, but when I get off, I am outta there!!

This is about the one guy who doesn't listen when it comes to office supplies. He is also the guy who is To many things to name, which I have written about in the past. Anyways this has been happening for over a year now when asking for office supplies. Plus he is the only person working in that work space so he shouldn't need much of anything.

He goes through certain office supplies like nobodies business. In particular hand sanitizer, and disinfectant. He will go through a can of that stuff in a week. But it has to be a specific type of disinfectant. It has to be lemon scented. And he must eat that hand sanitizer instead of using it. Among other little office supplies too, but nothing else is as bad.

Well throughout the year now he will come to me when he needs more office supplies. And every day I tell him that he has to talk to the boss that I have nothing to do with what he wants. Well he never listens and keeps asking me. I guess he thinks I will get tired of it and just go order the office supplies myself. Which I can't anyways, not my job.

I just don't understand when you tell someone. I don't do that. If you want more office supplies then you need to talk to your boss. But he thinks my wife who works there who also makes the orders then he can just go through me I guess.

So for over a year now he hasn't received his office supplies and every time he gets madder and madder. And every time I tell him to go talk to his boss, which is also my boss. But he never does. I know this because I asked our boss if he has ever come to him to order more office supplies.

Now he when he asks about them he says I know they are back ordered and you can never get any, but I need some more office supplies. And every time I tell him they are not back ordered out of anything he just needs to send a email to his boss.

Has anyone ever had to deal with someone who doesn't listen to anything you say even when they want something and all they have to do is listen. I don't get it. I would have better luck talking to a wall than to this guy. And all this over stupid office supplies. Sorry just had to rant a little bit there.

I know a lot of people out there don't believe in ghosts, but something happened one night at the office that no one could explain. It happened on Thanksgiving night when we were working the night shift. It was me and this other guard. No one else was at the office since it was closed down for the holiday. So nobody would be able to get in the office anyways. So it was only the two of us.

The night started out like any other. Boring... It got dark and we were just waiting for the night to be over because it was Thanksgiving and we didn't want to be at the office.

Well we were walking around outside the office making sure everything was dead. Which it was, but then we saw this light coming out from one of the windows on the second floor of one of the buildings. We watched it for a few seconds to see if it was changing at all, which it was. We figured it was a computer on, but it shouldn't be because the office was locked down, plus all the lights were turned off in the building.

So we ran up there and couldn't find anything. No one, and no light coming from any of the office cubicles. All the computers were shut down, and they were all cold. We found that very strange, but really didn't think anything of it at the time. So we start walking down the hall, but we heard something strange. We heard footsteps. Loud footsteps. Coming from the other end of the office. The only thing that was lighting the hall were the exit signs of some of the doors.

We didn't have our flashlight so we started walking towards the area we heard the footsteps since we thought it would just end up being something dumb. But we got to the end of the hallway and nothing. Absolutely nothing. So we turned around and this computer was on a log-in screen that had "AA" typed out in password screen.

That was definitely weird because we would of heard someone right behind us start a computer. But then we heard the footsteps again. Only this time they were coming from downstairs. We ran down there and again nothing. There was a little more light though since the elevators had lights on their entry doors. So we find a good place to hide and maybe whatever was going on would show themselves thinking we had walked away.

After a few minuted nothing happened. Absolute silence. It was getting very creepy, because we knew no one was there. It was locked down, no cars in the parking lot, but ours. And it was Thanksgiving. And who would want to be up at the office on Thanksgiving?

All of a sudden we heard this HUGE crash coming from upstairs. It sounded like someone had knocked over a vending machine in the breakroom. We ran up there and within seconds we were there, but nothing was disturbed. We checked everything and nothing had fallen over, much less anything that could of made that noise.

By this time we knew we were dealing with something abnormal. It still could of been an abnormal office worker, but I doubt it. We walked out of the breakroom and searched the building one more time. But there was nothing. We didn't hear footsteps, or see any cars driving in the parking lot.

The next day there were people in the office again, and no one ever reported anything being knocked over which was weird, but we didn't say anything. And the next Thanksgiving we were working again at the office, but nothing happened that Thanksgiving night.

Monday-Our facilities manager at the office that is in control of everything got on the radio this morning to tell us a emergency alarm on the door was going off. We go down to where he is to silence it. And then reset it. BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. And this building and office belongs to him.

Tuesday- The other day at the office I told the receptionist that I was going to have telemarketers start to call her, because she had to give me her number for some reason I don't even remember. She told me good luck, because she is on the no call list. Well she just walked in and asked who I gave the number to? I had no idea what she was talking about, but a telemarketer had just called her.

Wednesday- They had someone come in to administer flu shots today at the office. But she didn't bring any band aids. Hmm... We had to give them some.

Thursday- Walk by the restroom and I see this guy with one foot on the water fountain and he is cleaning his boots. What person in their right mind would do that at the office where they work?

Friday- You can put this one in the weird file. A girl got hit by the trunk of her car when she was opening it in the office parking lot. Apparently a gust of wind came and the trunk hit her and knocked her down. She ended up going to the hospital for it.

I imagine this topic could be up for debate with a lot of people. I am talking about the people that go into the fridge and steals your lunch without saying anything. You just come in to get your lunch and boom it's gone. Depending on where you work I think it is more of a problem. It is becoming more of a problem at my office.

There is a few things you can do to combat this type of person though. My personal favorite is putting some laxatives in your food and leaving it in there. Sooner or later it will be picked up and someone will learn their lesson very fast. I have actually done this a few times and it seems to work for awhile before either someone new or the same old persons confidence builds up again.

I also knew someone who would do this as well. As someone else got him with that trick, but I don't think he made the connection because he continued to do it. But he started to lose some weight and got fired for other reasons.

The problem I have now, is that someone is coming in my drawers and eating some of my food that I leave over night. Stuff like cheese-its and goldfish. Just little snacks. Gum is as good as gone too if I bring any in. It might be time to go back to my old tricks and teach this person a little bit of a lesson.

This one is a pretty funny story. I again was still working nights as a security guard and I was working with a guy that was about a year or two older than me. The difference is I am from the city and he is from the country. He was talking about mudding one night and I told him that I have never been. He of course told me I had to go and that I didn't know what I was missing.

So one night after work we decided to go out there since it had just recently rained. We got off at midnight and we got to the spot at about one in the morning. It ended up being someone else's farm that people have been mudding in for quite some time by the look of it. And I have to admit it was fun, for about 10 minutes before we got stuck.

That's right we were stuck. Not only were we stuck, we were sinking. For about an hour we tried driving forward and reverse hoping to get some traction. But to no avail. Then the fun really started to happen. First we heard gunshots coming from the farm. Apparently we had woken up the owners. Needless to say we bailed out of the truck very quickly and ran into some nearby woods. We get to another opening which is where we first drove in and we see 2 squad cars just waiting for us.

So we had a decision to make. Either go and face the barrel of a gun of some pissed off ole farmer, or go right into the cops hands. So we did what any normal person would do. We ran. and we ran FAST. We ran so fast that we actually got away. The only problem was our vehicle was still stuck in the mud with someone probably waiting by it so he could tell us hello...and goodbye.

Of course we are in the middle of no where so there's no gas station, no nothing far as the eye can see. Which wasn't that far since there wasn't any light around us. I get a bright idea at this time. I can use my cell phone!!! So i put my hand into my pocket to retrieve my self phone only to bring out some lent and a few pennies. My phone was left in the truck.

At about 4 in the morning after walking for a couple of hours we discover a gas station. We run up to it only to find out it opens at 5 A.M. I am already hungry and very cold. So we wait. When the store opened the first thing I did was get something to eat. While my friend called another friend to come and pick us up. While we are waiting these cops walk into the store.

This is when I think our number is up. Again very lucky for us they were looking for someone else. So after a few nervous minutes they leave. At about 7 in the morning his friend finally shows up with a friggin huge truck. Problem is that it is diesel. The reason this is a problem we are going to try and have this truck pull out my friends so we can get away. Problem is that diesel trucks are not usually the most quietest in the world.

So we drive by the place and there is no more cops and no one else in view for that matter. So we pull up to our truck that is so far in the mud that the only thing you can see is the side view mirrors and up. Another stroke of luck though is we ended up making a ramp of mud so it should be easy to pull it out. (thats what she said) So we tie the rope truck to truck and that diesel pulls my friends truck out of the muck like it was nothing at all. But of course it made alot of noise doing that so you better believe that farmer that has been waiting for us all night long woke up pretty quickly.

We moved so damn quick we got away without another shot fired off, but of course by that time it was almost time to go to work again and we were still in the middle of no where. By the time we got in town it was about noon, and we had to be in work by 3. So we got something else to eat and went to my house and played some GTA (grand theft auto) and then went back off to work.

I can actually say I did not fall asleep at work that night, but my counterpart wasn't so lucky. I found him in a privacy room sawing some serious Z's. I remember that night well because it went by SO SLOW. By the time midnight hit again I felt like I worked 24 straight hours. But like alot of people who work nights, as soon as you get home you can't go right to sleep. For some reason is just doesn't work that way. But I still slept like a baby that night.